Smokin' Hot!

First the Microwave, then the Laptop.
Things around here are a bit stinky. First it was my mom using the microwave. We noticed it sounded a little off. Then we noticed the smell. You know, the kind of smell that's like electrical smoke. So, we ended up getting a new microwave a couple days ago. It has new features the old one didn't have. Features like, delayed start. I can actually put my food in there the day before I want to heat it, and then it will turn on and heat my food for however long I told it to. Letting my food sit in there for so long, unrefrigerated, is a little gross, but I think it will be nice to set it to go off in a few minutes when I'm busy preparing other food. The other cool feature is I can just push reheat and it heats the food up to the right temperature without me giving it a time. It actually senses the steam and then bases how much longer to heat it based on that.
Then there is the problem with my laptop. It caught on fire. Now it's just a lapbottom. Peter had to take the screen off because the wires were burning.
I had turned it off and flipped the screen down and then I noticed smoke, the same electrical smoky smell as with the microwave. I unplugged everything really quick and then I yelled for Peter and he took care of the rest while I flipped out. There was an actual flame!
So now I'm kind of hoping I'll get a newer laptop with better features, just like with the microwave.
I want my laptop to have a smoke sensor like the microwave has a steam sensor. That way if it happens again, it can shut itself off. I also want it to heat up food like the microwave does that way when I'm surfing the web I don't have to get up to get my Angel Pee and Cinnamon Hot Cocoa.
Next thing that needs to catch fire is the TV. I hate using the digital converter box and a new TV would be fantastic!

Better Late Than Never

Now that Christmas is over and I have some time to breathe, I decided to post a poem I wrote for my Christmas lesson for church, that I never used. (I hate to think I waisted my time.) Mostly I just feel guilty for not even mentioning Christmas. So here is my "better late than never" effort.

'Twas the Night of True Christmas
'Twas the night of true Christmas, when all through the Earth,

The world was stirring, with news of His birth,

The stars in the Heavens hung by the moon with great care,

In hopes of a glimpse of Our Lord laying peacefully there,

The child was nestled all snug in his manger,

While King Herod was plotting against him with danger,

The wise men did come from far in the east,

Unknowingly alerting this selfish beast,

When in the fields there arose a messenger divine,

Telling the shepherds of the true Christmas sign,

Away in a manger all wrapped in swaddling clothes,

While the Wise men sought him by following the starlight glows,

The Nephites did look as the new star appeared,

With no darkness that night, the righteous cheered,

While the wicked did fall down to their knees,

Regretting they couldn't slay the righteous as they pleased,

So Satan doubled his efforts of doubt,

Lyings, deceivings, and hardenings did sprout,

But most of the people still knew he came,

Baptism, repentance, and peace they did proclaim,

Now in Bethlehem the Shepherds did see his angel's face!

Then with excitement told everyone, all over the place,

The promised child lay cooing, at his mother so mild,

With hope now all who heard surely smiled,

The wise men did bring gifts, even three,

They presented their treasures, bowing down on one knee,

The first gift was that of beautiful gold,

Something so valuable for one who is not very old,

Then came the frankincense, the holy perfume,

A great symbol of his future sacrifice, I presume,

The third gift was that of myrrh, the great embalmer,

A reminder of resurrection's new hope, and the stable grew calmer,

All these grown men bowed down and worshiped the baby,

The Lord's promises were sure, not just a maybe,

A bundle of peace, a bundle of joy,

He would grow in wisdom and stature, a smart little boy,

The gift was given, the Lord came to reign!

From breaking the bands of justice to death's ugly chains,

He would save us all from our world of doom,

Because of him, all who died would rise from the tomb,

But first he stayed among the children of men,

He would teach us, love us, heal us and then,

The small baby would pay for each and every sin,

Then great long nails would pierce his precious skin,

Upon a wooden cross he'd be lifted up,

Because of love, His Father would not remove this cup,

After three long days the babe turned man would rise,

Giving promise of renewed life to all who dies,

Yes, this babe in the manger would have a hard life,

Full of mockings and trials and great unjust strife,

Most beloved by all in heaven is given,
The brother who's life would be purpose driven,

Look now upon this little Christ child with hope,

You can be cleansed through him, better than any old soap,

So let me hear you exclaim, ere ye go on with your celebration,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all salvation!"

Can You See Him?

I received an email from my mom yesterday. It was one of those ones where you forward it to 5 people cause, the person who created it felt like they would make their mark on the world by email. Here is what it basically said:


"If I could sit on the porch with God, the first thing I would do is thank him for you.... Forward this to at least 5 people including the person that sent it to you, a person will appear standing on this bridge. Let me know if you know the person ? Okay?"

Here's the picture before.

So we both had to try it. And the result is this picture.

Do you see Him? Yeah, that's what I thought.

My mom emailed back and told me who she saw. "It must be the Holy Ghost!"

I love my mom!

"It's Like an Angel Peeing on Your Tongue!"

...That is if the angel had a candy cane fetish like I do. What am I talking about?
My new favorite tradition. Ready for this Holiday recipe?
First you take hot chocolate (I make it from scratch: cocoa, sugar, make it the same color as the commercially made Hot cocoa powder, then sprinkle a little salt, add a little water to make it a paste, boil it, then add milk and heat till it's good and hot.)
Put the hot chocolate in a mug and then... be prepared to be amazed at the next and final ingredient... Take a good scoop of peppermint ice cream and drop it into the hot cup of chocolate. It totally blew my mind that I never thought of this before. I think I have a new crush. *sigh*

Because I Can

So, I got an email from Kristin, one of those look at my answers and then fill in your own and email it to people doohickeys. Since I'm just not that kind of person, and it's not that I mind getting them or filling them out, but I really don't think other people care about my answers, I decided to just post the questions and my answers here. Okay, I'm also sick of looking at my last post.

So if anyone wants to, I would love to hear your answers, but I won't bother tagging people, cause then I feel stupid when no one follows through.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Gift wrap unless I'm lazy or out of tape.
2. Real tree or Artificial? I like real, I settle for fake.
3. When do you put up the tree? Who knows? Last year it was two days before Christmas
4. When do you take the tree down? Are you kidding, I just put that thing up! It will be at least a couple weeks.
5. Do you like eggnog? As long as I don't think about what it is, I love it.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? One of those push sweepers.
7. Hardest person to buy for? It's Peter and everyone on his side of the family.
8. Easiest person to buy for? Me. I like cheap stuff. Not to mention, I know what I like.
9. Do you have a nativity scene? A couple. One puts away like a puzzle into the Manger and I hand painted it myself
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? I'm not into cards, sorry. I think its a Hallmark conspiracy.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A dollar store unicorn balloon that you wear on you head for a party hat. Jason said I would think it was funny later, good thing he was right.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? I absolutely hate Christmas movies unless they are about Christ. I did however cry during Elf..."I Believe." (I think that's what they said at the end)
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? As late and gradually as possible
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? You tell me.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? uh, candy cane?
16. Lights on the tree - white or colored? I like colors as long as they don't blink too fast and give me motion sickness. (I can't help following the lights around and round...)
17. Favorite Christmas songs: the ones in the hymn book, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, but my favorite is O Holy Night
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home. Unless Hawaii is an option ;-)
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Yes, including Olive.
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? I guess you could call it a star. It's pointy.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? We open presents made especially for us from extended family Christmas eve drawing. The rest on Christmas morning. (Ha Ha! I just used Kristin's answer)
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Christmas movies. Bah! Humbug!
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? I like the ugly ones they make you make in school. I've never used so much yarn in my life.
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Funeral Potatoes, because we're celebrating a birth here, and ham, because what would Jesus do?

True Thanksgiving

Today, I am grateful for everything obvious and the least obvious of them all.

First, the obvious. I am grateful for my wonderful husband who is the only one who at least halfway gets me. I am grateful for his love, for his amazingly helpful attitude, and for how hilarious he makes life.

I am grateful for the gospel and all things related to it. The scriptures, prayer, the Holy Ghost, Jesus Christ and his atonement, Heavenly Father, resurrection, Joseph Smith, the restoration of the gospel, and covenants.

I am grateful to live in America and for the freedoms I enjoy. I am grateful for the food I so easily obtain and for Peter's job, health insurance, and for a roof over my head.

I am so grateful for so many other things, but I won't bore you with the list.

The most unobvious of them all is that I am grateful for the greatest trial I have ever faced. I am grateful for last summer when my world fell apart. So many things happened that I can't even talk about, but it was much more trying for me than anyone outside of my immediate family knew or will ever know.

My brother and his wife died. That was excruciatingly tough. I loved them both so much and it was so hard to mourn the loss of two people you love that much. Your mind plays back memories of one and then the other like a tennis match. You think about their last moments and what they were thinking, what they felt.

That was tough, but it only got tougher. As someone who has never had children, and the real possibility of never having them, I felt strongly impressed to take on raising their three young children to whom I was very close. I was soon faced with people stating my biggest fear, they didn't think I was good enough. Things were said that I have had a hard time forgiving for, but it wouldn't be fair for me to talk about because this is a one sided story.

So, after imagining having children in my home and having that strong feeling that I should do that, I was faced with the toughest decision of my life. I had to give them up. I did it to maintain peace in our family. For months I was plagued with the question of whether it was right. I knew it was, but the question lingered. I could only turn to the scriptures and remember the women who fought over a baby. When they were told the baby would be split in half, the real mother gave him up for the baby's benefit. It wasn't that I thought I would get them if I gave them up, it was I had to make a decision to do what's right even if it means I would really have to follow through with giving them up.

Beyond that, at the same time I was faced with another family trial, the one I won't talk about, but it was a doozy. Combined with the others, this made up the worst time of my life. It's times like those that make you wonder what you did to deserve it. The answer was nothing. Every trial began out of my control. The only control I had was the way I reacted to it.

I was able to humble myself more, and I prayed so much more for help, for comfort. I found out how strong I can really be and I learned to let the Lord direct my life. This trial period was one I will never forget. I am grateful for it and the way it shaped me and my life. It became a great awakening for me spiritually and it strengthened my character in ways unimaginable.

Thus ends the, however many, days of gratitude.

Wednesday's Gratitude

I'm grateful I'm almost done with listing what I'm grateful for...just kidding. Today I am grateful for a dirty word I call infertility.

Man I hate that word. It sounds so personal, and it is.

Peter and I have tried to have a baby for years...over seven. It's tough because unless you went through it, you don't understand it. You suffer through people's insensitive comments and misunderstandings. People have stood in Sunday School and said, while looking directly at us, "It is a commandment to multiply and replenish the Earth and nobody should put it off for any reason." Yeah, that's awkward. And then there are the comments that backtrack..."Oh, yeah, it's great to be a mother, but I think that those women who can't have them are strong enough that it is a trial they don't have to go through." (Said while rubbing my back in a soothing manner.) That was even more awkward. It was a sweet thought, but honestly, I don't need to be defended.

The worst are comments like, "Oh, someday you'll understand when you're a mother." Or "You don't understand because you don't have kids." As if I've never been near a child or watched my own family. "Oh yeah, but it's different."

Beyond the outside world, into my own heart, is my own feelings. I'm broken. Something about me won't preform this basic commandment. Maybe if I was a better person. Maybe I've done something wrong. Maybe I can't be trusted with a child. I'm not good enough. I can't give Peter a child. He probably really wants one. He would be amazing.

I have friends with this problem and they are at a stage of immense anger and bitterness whenever someone get pregnant. Suddenly they are the judge for who shouldn't have children.

I'm not there anymore. Yes, I cry sometimes, but not so often. I've learned that through my trial, I have been brought closer to my Heavenly Father. I really learned that I need to trust him. He knows what is best for me. If it happens, it happens. But if not, then I can be happy knowing that I did my part and someday I will be blessed with that opportunity if I live righteously. I'm okay with either scenario.

It has also brought me closer to my husband. I get to spend so much time with him with out getting a babysitter. We get to lie in bed in peace on Saturday mornings. He buys me cool things and I get to listen to him without interruption.

I don't have to change diapers everyday, or potty train (well, too much). I don't have to listen to my child scream at me in public (just my nephews) or tell everyone all the embarrassing details of my personal life. I don't have to remember what takes crayon off the wall, or marker (I hear bread works for something). I don't have to make emergency room trips for the skittle they shoved up their nose. I don't have to be at their beckon call to give them food while I am famished. I get to be a little more selfish. I still eat the last cookie. I don't feel trapped at home, and quick trips to the grocery store aren't huge chores.

Don't get me wrong. I love children. I want children very much, and I admire the mothers out there that do such an amazing job. I just have learned to love the freedom I enjoy. I appreciate the money we get to save. I also have way more energy and desire to play with my nieces and nephews. I get to be fun. Then I get to send them home.

So, though infertility has been a major trial for me, I am grateful for it. I'll be grateful when it's over, but right now, I love my life. Dreaming of having a child is much easier and more romanticised than actually doing it.